I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
