K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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