We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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