So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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