I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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