I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
