How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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