I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
