so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
