She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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