This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is my gift to your gina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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