do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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