my sisters under your porch take her home
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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