yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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