u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
