I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this hospital has no fireball
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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