I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
