Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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