You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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