He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
