Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
love makes seman taste better
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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