so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
