not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
