I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
