is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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