So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
