Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
