that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
