can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
