Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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