Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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