I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
