he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
