We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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