My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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