You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
