She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
