You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
