i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
