I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize