I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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