you traded sex for a burrito?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
