he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
