So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
