I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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