so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
