Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
