New invention idea: vibrating tampons
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
