why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
