I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
