we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
