I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
