I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
