Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
