i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
