What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
