just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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