I accidentally burped into my bong.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
