His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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