I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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