He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
