I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
