he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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