The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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