I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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