my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
