i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What a dumb baby whore.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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