I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
