Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
