My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
