so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
