ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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