And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
