her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
