Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
