He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
