I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
