i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
