The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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