For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
