The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
