i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
