I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
