My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
