Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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