I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
