if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
