just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
