So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
