i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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