Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
