True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
