As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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