I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize