i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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