i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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