she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
