my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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