i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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