So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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