She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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