We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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