when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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