I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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