A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
