Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
