i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
